What is a confident person like? How can we recognize them?
So many talks and debates over this subject and we´re still unsure on what true confidence is.
“She is always so loud and behaves as she owns the room”
“I know what I'm talking about, I´m the expert”
“I was a better candidate, they only chose him because he is good looking”.
This is just a simple list of some of the traits really confident people display:
1. They feel comfortable in their own skin. Therefore they are happy to make fools of themselves or not look their best. (And, oddly enough, people tend to respect you more for this-not less.)
2. Feel proud of their achievements in life. They tend to focus on their strengths and remind themselves of this when they experience hardship.
3. They don't put other people down. Generally speaking, the people who like to gossip, who like to speak badly of others, do so because they hope by comparison to make themselves look better.
4. Listen more than they speak. Contrary to what everybody thinks, being loud doesn't mean being confident.
5. Share or give the spotlight to others. They don't need the validation of others, because true validation comes from within.They stand back and let others shine--a confidence boost that helps those people become truly confident, too.
6. They think, why not me? They are decisive. They know they can attract their own funding, create their own products, build their own relationships and networks, choose their own path--they can choose to follow whatever course they wish.
7. They maintain an open body posture. A closed posture says “I’m not sure of your intentions, please do not come”, while an open posture says “I believe you cannot harm me, so come, I welcome you.” That is why people tend to give up their defences in the presence of confident people. They make others feel at ease.
This is just a simple list of myths we believe about confidence:
1. You´re born confident. News flash! Noone has been born confident. It´s a skill, you learn it!
2. You can't fake confidence. Who said that? You´ve never heard before they say: “fake it till you make it” or “fake it till you become it”?
3. You have to be successful to feel confident. Based on that fact we´ll never be successful, you need self-belief to even try in the first place. Secondly, if confidence came from being successful no actor or industry mogul would suffer from self-doubt and sometimes fall into depression and substance abuse.
4. You have to be an extrovert. Not necessarily, not the loudest voice in the room is the most confident.
5. Confident people don't have insecurities, they are confident all the time. They wish! They are like everyone else, even confident people experience a certain level of insecurity or self-doubt when trying new things.
6. Confident people are arrogant. Are they? I thought those were just genuinely arrogant people and more insecure of what you actually think. Confident people put the focus on the other person and are active listeners. The king who is king doesn´t need to remind everyone else that is king.
7. Confident people love public speaking. Public speaking is a daunting experience even for actors or presenters, so you´re not alone on this one!
Use this as a test next time you think that person is confident or you are unsure of what actual confidence looks like.
Still unsure and need some extra help gaining more confidence in your communication skills? Just book a 40 mins free session and let me show you how confident you can be!